New Zealand, 7th cleanest country in the world

Yes, it’s true, Forbes Magazine has just rated New Zealand the 7th cleanest country in the world. When you look at the ones that beat us, Switzerland (the country with more proctologists than dentists), Norway (highest suicide rate in the Euro-bloc), Sweden (most boring country not rhyming with Malbania), Colombia (Coke is life) you can see why I reject their reality and substitute my own. Of course if my brother would only clean out his garage we could probably have beat Sweden.

Mercator was a hater

Ever since I was a child I felt the oppression of Eurocentric educators. Frak the “Land Down Under”, it’s time for New Zealanders everywhere to take their proper place in the sun. Now we just have to try and outshine those penguin bastards down in Antarctica and how hard could that be? Like, I could kill fifty with a tennis raquet and not even break into a sweat.