A view from my window

An undercover cop, a drunk, a view from my window.

Farewell to the King of the World!

Ha bloody ha! If you could see me now you would see what I look like when I am dancing and clicking my heels together. Why? Because that tosser coke dealer who moved into the house across the street got pinched by The Filth today. To quote the local police…

Occurrence Type: Drug Dealer Arrested

Occurrence #: BA0934586

Date: 20 August 2009

Details:

On the 20th of August 2009, the Barrie Police Drug Enforcement Unit arrested a 25 year old male at his residence on Owen Street.

The male, charged with: Trafficking Cocaine, Possession of Cocaine and Fail to Comply with Probation will appear in Barrie Provincial Court on August 21st for bail.

This investigation is part of a police/community effort to address local concerns in the downtown core. A number of uniform and investigative officers have been working diligently around the clock to address these community concerns.

Not just that guy, but the whole cockroach nest got cleaned out. The landlords parents turned up as well so I got to entertain myself by thanking them for bringing prostitutes, cocaine dealers, addicts and other low lives into our neighbourhood. Farewell fucker! You are King of the World!!

Man those people are starting to piss me off

Well those assholes up the street are still alive and well. Last week at 2am they decided to start having a bloody party! I went downstairs and called the pigs on them but as we all know, closing down noisy parties are a pretty low priority for Barrie’s finest. So two hours later they were still going strong. And typically the party started closing down at 4:30am about 15 minutes before the police cruisers turned up.

Bugger, I really wanted someone to end up cuffed and collared. The landlord had assured me that he was evicting them by the 15th, now it’s the 25th so it’s clear he’s full of shit.

Angry Bert gets a day off work

I had this small problem with my gall bladder. It was fucking with me and I had options. So I exercised that option and had the pissant thing removed yesterday. This is the second one of my organs that I have had chopped out, my appendix went at the age of thirteen. The operation yesterday was far less stressful than my appendix, that time involved a doctor pushing his finger into my asshole and a very cute French nurse shaving me “down there”. No finger in the balloon tie and no unwanted erections, that sounds like success to me!

When the surgeon came to check on me a few hours later I did ask him if he had found a couple of condoms filled with heroin that I misplaced a few years ago. He laughed. Then he stared at me until I laughed.

 Oh, and thanks to my socialist health care system, I only had to wait 3 weeks and the Government picked up the tab. Great eh?

The continuing tale of the Beagle Boys

Okay so there’s an update on the assholes who moved into my street. Apparently the landlord’s agent has had enough of getting phone calls from the other tenants and from neighbours like me and has given the “Likely Lads” 15 business days notice of an eviction.

Bloody good job, nothing worse than white trash.

Oh Great, It’s like Trainspotting Except Begby Lives Next To Me

Well that’s fucking great. The guy across the street has moved to India on a contract and has let his house out to the worst bunch of low life drug dealers you could imagine. It’s been a month and we have had (in chronological order) a neighbour threatened with a beating, a dead-fish overdose on the front lawn, a high speed chase followed by a police takedown and a 3AM attempted beating with an iron bar. Fucking nice.

Of course that sack sucker house owner doesn’t give a shit, he’s in fucking India, eating japatis and counting the cocaine tainted bills those criminals send him every month. Makes me want to throw a gallon of gas against their door. Fuck I hate living next to criminals.

The Face of Fear

Yesterday we took our German student down to that tourist trap, Niagara Falls. Instead of the uber-cheap trip we usually do, this time we visited a couple of the cheesey attractions including this one, “The Fear Factory”. On the whole I found it pretty lame as when you are in a group, the scares trigger on the front person and since I was generally last I kind of missed out on the whole effect. But they did have this illusion of a car coming at you that was pretty good. Have a look at the photo, this is what my wahine looks like when she is frightened. Ha.

The figure obscured behind me is the German boy hiding.

Happy Birthday Little Black Dog!

What happens when a 6lb Morkie smartmouths a 90lb Pit Bull

My littlest dog, Pipi Shortstocking has the bad habit of standing at the fence at the front of our section and mouthing off at dogs who walk by.

Today she did it to a Pit Bull being led past by a know-nothing substance abuser in a dazed and confused state.

As you can see by this photo she was just a little slow getting her Morkie nose back inside the fence. Torn nose, a lost tooth, mucus membrane ripped and a lot of blood.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the dog but I had other plans for $443.

Fuck Hollywood, the nicotine patch is the new media

I have had this dream

Okay so 4 weeks ago I began my odyssey from cigarette smoker to reformed cigarette smoker. You know I started smoking when I first went to University, in 1981. So it’s been 27 years. 27 years of heavy, 25 a day, 16mg a shot cigarette smoking. I never ever wanted to give up until now, but I have had a couple half arsed goes at it. Anyway, this time I decided that I would give it a serious go and so to help me make it I went onto the nicoderm™ patches.

This post isn’t about giving up smoking so I’ll leave that for now, I wanted to post about the dreams that come from sticking patches of nicotine directly on your skin. For the past four weeks I have had the most vivid, acid-trip-without-the-acid dreams you could ever imagine. They have ranged from being arrested by the Manager at the Banana Store for shoplifting (who knew there was such a retail store) to watching my poodle die by falling down an elevator shaft.

Yeah I know, sick eh? The only funny thing about that dream was the fact that I have never seen my dog fall before. So when my brain had to quickly cgi a poodle falling it had to do it with what it had on hand. So shoddy was it’s work in fact that I can recall thinking in my dream that it actually looked a bit crap, you know? A bit fake. Not all blue at the edges like bad science fiction but blurry on the edges, like it had been shopped. Ha.

Anyway, after four weeks of having the nights of exciting dreams they all started to get a bit creepy. Like a bad trip. Once my dead father and grandmother started making an appearance regularly I decided to give nicotine patches a miss. I need the sleep.