Corporations. If you have ever worked inside one then you know just how arbitrary their decision making processes are. They are all a bunch of spineless p***ks who will do anything to be ordinary. If you want to change a corporate policy, just offer to make whining noises about <insert cause here> and pretty soon they’ll cave in and do whatever it is that will allow them to shrink back into the shadowy world of brand comfort.
Why am I so pissed about corporations today? Well I’m not really, it’s just that my local coffee chain, the mighty Tim Horton’s, has arbitrarily decided to stop giving out free “timbits” (nasty little doughy packages of cholesterol, what you would find dropping out the back of a doughnut-o-raptor if they still roamed the Earth) to anyone with a dog in the drive-thru.
Apparently, and this wins for weak-ass excuse of the day, they were getting a few complaints from people who objected to the dogs getting a free timbit and their nasty snot-nosed offspring being refused. I have one answer for them, at least my dogs have a full set of chromosomes.
There are two options here. Either the offered excuse is true or it isn’t. If it’s true then Jesus ”tap-dancing” Christ I don’t know who to feel worse for, the miserable sacks of flesh whose sense of entitlement was offended by the sight of a small dog getting a break or the spine-free member of the Tim Horton’s operations team who decided it was easier to cave in than to listen to that b***hing.
If the offered excuse is untrue then some recent graduate from the Uri Geller Academy of Spoon Bending has managed to wing their way through the interview process and all the way to the Arbitrary Decisions department at Tim Horton’s central office deep underground in the Vinson Massif. I will still buy my coffee from Tim’s. He is after all one of the dieties central to my belief system, my pantheon if you please. But from now on I will remember that his feet are clay.
